So what did i decided to do ?
The People Which Make School Just So God Damn Fustrating!
Bronwen Style.
The I've-forgotten-the-hierarchy-of-the-school kids
Ok, so this is mainly a pride thing. Recently my school implemented a programme called THE DREADED HOUSE SYSTEM (admittedly that's not the offical name, just the one the students implemented). It has been fantastic in reducing problems such as bullying and encourages counciling, however, and i cannot stress this enough, it makes those in compulsory education think they are level with those of us in the sixth form.
NO. JUST NO.
When I was in year seven (donkey years ago) if a sixth former, or in fact anyone older, came near you you had to throw yourself at teh wall so that they could walk past with ease, occasionally bowing for good measure. I WANT THIS TO RETURN! Instead those in uniform seem to think they can walk through me. I mean, I don't know what programmes these kids are watching but i'm pretty sure that's only possible if you're paranormal. They've also adopted this measure of.... talking. What ever happened to children should be seen and not heard? I WANT THIS TO RETURN. Especially as the only thing of merit they have to say is of the waging war between the bliebers and the directioners.
Oh yes, please entertain me with the horrors of the charts, while I read this mass production of fiction called the news. What you have to say is CLEARLY more important!
Ok, so i rarely read teh newspaper in form BUT STILL the point remains valid.
The Oh-My-God-Did-You-Hear-What-Happened kids.
I can't deny that humans are creatures of social interaction. I can't deny that, to my knowledge, we are the only species on Earth which can gossip. I can't deny that sometimes gossip can be very entertaining. BUT I CAN DENY that it is always interesting. Sometimes, the gossip is so unexicting you have to think
'Really, You wanted to embarass yourself to tell me that?!?'
And when it is sooooooooo impossible, you can't help but cry for humanity.
Ohmygod, did you hear?
No, What ?!?!
Jacob like totally got off with a unicorn at Tina's 18th last week. Iknowrightamazing!
Are you experiencing a break down or something?
Ok so Unicorn hook ups rarely come up in my school's gossip grapevine, but sometimes you do have to think, WHY GOD WHY!?! YOU COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. *weeps*
The Ross-Rachel-Complex
Being a teenager, apparently there is this disease called "hormones" which causes symptons of massive breakdowns, compulsive eating and "relationship problems". This disease is very contagious, infact there is no cure. The only measure of prevention is GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THE INFECTED PERSON AS POSSIBLE.
An infectee will react very different in accordance to their gender. If they are female, they are likely to respond in excessive weeping, enormous chocolate consumption (but not the good stuff, the sugar free low fat chocolate because 'they must make him jealous') and huge amounts of 'girl power' and 'friends forever' schmuck. It you remain too close to a female infectee you are likely to develop 'rom-com-ilitus' and have gain 3 stone (should be 10 but the weep sheds pounds) .
If they are male, they are likely to respond by drunkeness, long meet up with their "bros", and offensive masculine phrases such as "I would" and "that's what she said". These are the ones we have to weep for because they never do.
If you are in regular attendance with an infectee, or the worse case senerio, a recurring infectee ( also known as the chamelion, the transporter, or the ross/rachel regarding gender)... just run. Seriously. The Stress. The Tears. The Chocolate. I'm getting shivers just thinking about it. Just Run. And God Save You My Friend.
If they are male, they are likely to respond by drunkeness, long meet up with their "bros", and offensive masculine phrases such as "I would" and "that's what she said". These are the ones we have to weep for because they never do.
If you are in regular attendance with an infectee, or the worse case senerio, a recurring infectee ( also known as the chamelion, the transporter, or the ross/rachel regarding gender)... just run. Seriously. The Stress. The Tears. The Chocolate. I'm getting shivers just thinking about it. Just Run. And God Save You My Friend.
The Oh-My-God-I-Like-Totally-Got-Wasted-And-Don't-Even-Come-To-School-Let-Alone-The-Lessons-But-I'm-Still-Going-To-Oxbridge-And-Will-Probably-End-Up-Marrying-A-Royal-And-You-Will-Have-To-Work-For-Me People.
Seriously What The Hell!
Ok, so this is probably the biggest annoyance to many people in the education system but I still think it's worth mentioning.
Oh, and if you can't work out who this person in your school is, it's probably you. Just saying.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're doing something with their lives, I just wish they could achieve it at the same pace of me. But then I suppose, with out these people, I'd get no help on my maths homework while they are too intoxicated to remember I do maths, which i suppose is a good thing.
The Oh-My-Goodness-I-Must-Have-Everything-In-My-Life-Strategically-Planned-Because-Otherwise-The-World-Will-End People.
Ok so this point is probably a little bit hypocrytical, but STILL, these people are very annoying.
Yes I am including me at this point.
These are the people who work through every break, every lunch, every hours filled with light, only emerging when they have run out of paper. They are the people who might as well be having a two perosn conversation with the teacher they put their hands up so much (and this is where the likeness ends) . Don't get wrong, these people are getting me through my a levels, but there comes a point when it becomes frustrating. There comes a point when they make the rest of us look like slugs sitting in the sun waiting for someone to pour salt on us.
These are the worse. These are the people who are just constantly happy. Happy when it rains. happy when it snows. These people are even happy when its Monday. No Joke! These skip up the corridors, pigtails swinging as they giggle sweetly onto their next lesson. I mean, happiness is fine just ... do it in private. Where i don't have to see it. I like to think these people will be the ones killed first come the revolution of the tea towels. IT WILL HAPPEN.
Teacher: Why don't the rest of you engage like Mia here? Sometimes it feels like this is a two people class
Student: That's because this isn't the registered lesson slot. Mia is such a controlee that she's stalked you to your house and are asking you maths questions in the lounge.
Oh, so that rarely happens but you get the gist.
And Finally
The worst
The Dreaded
The Oh-My-God-The-Sun-Is-Shining-And-The-World-Is-Beautiful-And-I'm-Just-So-Happy-All-The-Live-Long-Day People
Does that make me sound like a homicidal maniac?
Happiness aside, these people have an even worse side. These people are what i call emotional leeches. We all have them.
Open your imagination ...
It's Thursday afternoon. You only have one lesson left. You're suitably happy. It's not quite the weekend but you're happy because it's Friday tomorrow.
Then the door opens.
"OHMYGODGUYS. DOYOUREALISEIT'SFRIDAYTOMORROWANDI'MJUSTSOHAPPY."
Happiness=gone. Now you are just an empty, hollow mess. You just want to find a rock and hide under it. But first, first you want to take that sweet, smiling, innocent doll and take the rock and introduce it to their perfect, smiling face........
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